Road Tips

Joe's Crab Shack

Here's another place that I'll never go to again - Joe's Crab Shack.  The reason?  The food is just plain horrible. 

Joe's Crab Shack is part of the Landry's restaurant chain owned by Tillman Fertitta, which includes the Landry Seafood restaurants and the Rainforest Cafe restaurants.  To see my earlier post on Landry's, click here. 

Joe's formula is similar to Landry's and Rainforest Cafe - dazzle 'em with fun so they won't realize the food is crappy.  It must work because I always notice how packed places like Landry's, Joe's and the Rainforest Cafe are. 

Tom Kirkendall, who writes the Houston's Clear Thinkers blog, pointed out to me after my post on Landry's that one of the other big key's to success of the restaurants is very simple.  Nearly every Joe's, Landry's and Rainforest is situated in a great location.  And these are high traffic, high visibility locations. 

Joe's decor is busy with a lot of kitsch hanging from the ceilings and walls.  It's loud and they encourage large gatherings for birthdays and celebrations.  The wait staff is usually young, dressed casually, and intentionally interact with the clientele to make them feel comfortable.  Joe's atmosphere does a wonderful job of masking the fact the food sucks.

The menu is typical seafood fare that you'd expect from a place like Joe's.  Lots of seafood dishes, soups, and sandwiches.  They also do steak and chicken dishes that is usually used in combination with seafood.   

I've eaten at Joe's three times.  The first time, Cindy and I had dinner at the one in St. Peters, MO in 1999.  We both started out with a cup of the clam chowder and it was horrible.  Some of the worst clam chowder I ever had. 

And our dinner wasn't much better.  I had the spicy boiled shrimp and it wasn't all that spicy.  The shrimp was overcooked, but I could still get 'em down.  And the sides of potatoes and corn on the cob were just horrible.  The potatoes were cold and the corn was mushy and tasteless. Other than the shrimp, everything was just inedible.

I figured that I had a bad meal and they all couldn't be that way.  About six years ago, I was in Orlando and we got in late on a Saturday night to our hotel.  A Joe's was down the street and we figured that since we were closer to the ocean in Florida than in Missouri, the fish would be better.  Huh uh.  I had the broiled seafood platter that evening and the fish and shrimp were rubbery.  I was highly disappointed.

OK, so I usually give a restaurant only a couple chances to dazzle me - I actually gave Joe's THREE chances.  The last time I went was about two years ago when I was in Chesterfield, MO at the Hampton Inn.  In the lobby I happened to run into a friend of mine who is a rep from Kansas City.  He had one of his sales guys with him along with a regional manager for a manufacturer who I knew.  The regional manager asked me if I wanted to go out to dinner with them - they were going next door to the new Joe's Crab Shack.

I hesitated and told him that I'd had a couple bad experiences at Joe's.  The guy - who was from California - said that he and his wife love the Joe's in southern California.  He said, "I've eaten at Joe's all over the country and have never had a bad meal." 

Well, I figured out that he was one of the many who get dazzled and caught up in the decor and the way the wait staff interacts with the customers.  He was having a good time having the gal put the big bib on him, he loved the big presentation with the mallet to crack the crab shells on the table, and he was sucking back mai tai's like they were water. 

I didn't even see anything on the menu that I really wanted, so I got the lobster and shrimp linguine in an alfredo sauce.  The pasta was overcooked, I think there were two chunks of lobster and three shrimp with the pasta, and the alfredo sauce was average, at best.  It was so disappointing. 

But, the guy from California, who had the Crab Daddy Feast, thought the food was outstanding.  Maybe the Crab dishes were good, but I'm not about to step foot in another Joe's to find out. 

Joe's Crab Shack - along with Landry's and Rainforest Cafe - preys upon people who don't go out to eat all that often, and who like to get entertained during their meal.  The sensory overload with the decor, happy wait staff and great locations must mask the horrible taste of the food.

I'm sorry, Mr. Fertitta.  I won't be going to Joe's again...

Olive Garden Commercial Parody on MadTV

In my post from a few days ago, I noted that the commercial which showed Italians really getting into their "authentic" Italian meal at an Olive Garden was categorized as being offensive to Italians, in general.  I mean, come on.  Would someone of Italian heritage really take relatives from Italy to an Olive Garden for dinner? 

Only if they didn't like 'em and wanted them to go back to Italy sooner than expected.

I love MadTV on the Fox Network.  It's one of the more funny and edgy comedy programs on television today.  And I'm really starting to love YouTube, a great web site where you can post virtually any type of video.  MadTV had a great skit taking off on the commercial of an Italian family going to an Olive Garden.  Some one posted the skit on YouTube and here's the link to view it. 

The different "authentic" Italian foods they depict the Olive Garden as serving are just hilarious.  It really zings the Olive Garden and their misperception that Italians really do like their food. 

Olive Garden

For the longest time, I always said that there was no good Italian restaurant in the Quad Cities.  The "alto cuicinare" of Italian restaurants in town was the Olive Garden.  And now that we finally have some true Italian restaurants in town - I'm sorry - but I will never go into an Olive Garden restaurant again.

Olive Garden's are owned by the Darden Restaurant group, the same people who own Red Lobster (another place I won't go into - that's another story for another time), Smokey Bones barbecue restaurants (I ate in one in St. Louis one time, I doubt if I go back), and Bahama Breeze restaurants (never been in one, don't plan on going). 

My reason for boycotting Olive Garden is simple - there's a number of better Italian restaurants available in nearly every city where there's an Olive Garden.  It's nothing more than corporate fast food served to the masses.  It's not all that bad, but it's not the best in Italian food, either.  I can make better Italian food at home, and I still can't make it as good as some of the other Italian restaurants in town.   

Still, the one here in Davenport gets HUGE crowds for lunch through the week.  And on Friday and Saturday nights, I understand the wait may be up to 2 hours.  When I hear that, I think, "There are now four or five better Italian restaurants in this town than Olive Garden.  Why can't people figure that out?"

The bread sticks continue to be a big draw at Olive Garden.  They used to do unlimited family style salads and they'd also have unlimited pasta some nights.  But they'd get you so damn full on the bread sticks - which, I admit, are very good - and on the salad that you literally had no room to eat any of the main pasta entree. 

I don't know if they still do that or not because I haven't been at one in about 8 years.

The commercials depicting the Italian-American family bringing their Italian relatives to Olive Garden for a "true" Italian dinner insults the intelligence of not only Italians, but Italian food enthusiasts.  There's a great op ed piece from the Wall Street Journal by Victorino Matus regarding the Olive Garden commercials.

The executive director of the National Italian American Foundation, John Salamone, was quoted in the op ed piece as saying what Italians may resent most about the Olive Garden commercials is that they are being used by Olive Garden to imply the restauant's food is authentic Italian cuisine. 

A professor of mathematics at the University of Northern Iowa - Doug Shaw - wrote an essay about four years ago that echoes a lot of the same problems I have with Olive Garden, in general.  He used to have a challenge where he offered anyone a free glass of wine at an Olive Garden if they didn't have a better meal and a better time at a local Italian restaurant than what they could get at an Olive Garden. 

I'd almost like to do something similar to that.  We have a number of good Italian restaurants here in the Quad's now - Lunardi's, Centro, Antonella's, Tratorria Tiramisu, even Biaggi's (a Midwestern chain of Italian restaurants) is much better than Olive Garden.  The food is better, the atmosphere is as nice as the Olive Garden, and I can guarantee that you could take an Italian food connoisseur to any of those restaurants, you wouldn't embarrass yourself.   

It doesn't matter where you are - there's much better Italian restaurants in a 10 mile radius from any Olive Garden.  And I can't understand why people continue to go there in droves.

Denny's

I haven't been in a Denny's in about 10 years and I'm not planning on going back any time soon. 

It really doesn't have much to do with the food, which is edible, at best.  It has more to do with a promise I made myself when I finally started to make some money. 

Years ago, I worked for a rep firm for a little less than two years where the boss was, well, he was pretty cheap.  When we were out in Las Vegas for CES, we'd regularly eat at Denny's.  With all these great new restaurants popping up all over Las Vegas, we were still going out to dinner a Denny's.  We wouldn't even go to the cheap hotel buffets, we had to go to Denny's! 

It was kind of embarrassing.  When a group of reps and/or dealers would be standing around talking about the great meal they had the night before, I'd lie and tell them that I didn't eat.  There's no way I could tell them I ate at a Denny's in Las Vegas.

I went to work for a growing rep firm after that and early in my career with them we'd eat at Denny's every once in a while just to save some money.  My boss there said one night, "We're going to grow this business so we'll never have to eat in a Denny's again."

And you know what?  We did grow the business.  And we didn't eat at Denny's again. 

Last year, my present boss, Daniel, was traveling with me.  We were outside of St. Louis and he said was getting kind of hungry to we pulled off to eat.  We passed a Denny's and he said, "What's wrong with Denny's?"

I told him that I made a pact to myself that I would never eat at a Denny's again.  I told him the stories and he sort of smiled.  He said, "That's a great goal to have.  I'd admire your principles." 

I see that Denny's is trying to spruce themselves up by doing a wholesale revamping of their exterior on a number of their restaurants that I pass.  They can't suck me in, however.  Sorry, but I'm not going to Denny's.   

Hardee's

I'm averse to a number of fast food joints, and one place that I have given the "Will Veber Lifetime Boycott" to is Hardee's.

I used to really like Hardee's years ago.  For a fast food burger, they had a pretty good taste.  What turned me off on Hardee's was not necessarily the food, but the service. 

I stopped in three different Hardee's over a four month period about four or five years ago and at each stop the service was slow and absolutely poor. One was in Hannibal, MO, another in Verona, WI, and the other was in Eldridge, IA.  The worker's "give-a-shit" factor in each place was extremely low, there were pissed off customers at each place, the food took forever and, frankly, it wasn't that good. 

So I figured, you know - if those three were shitty, the rest of the Hardee's have to be shitty.

They're tempting me to come in and get one of those Black Angus burgers they keep advertising, but I haven't succumbed.  I don't need the aggravation when I need something quick.

Culver's

Culver's = They suck.  Period.  I can't stand Culver's. 

There is an ever increasing number of Culver's around the Midwest and now down into Texas - over 300 of them.  It's like a plague and they've got to be stopped.

Started in Wisconsin in the early 80's, Culver's is famous for their Butter Burger.  But don't mistake their Butter Burger with the ones that are served at Solly's outside of Milwaukee.  They are no where close in thickness, taste or excellence.

In fact, I'm wondering if you could charge Culver's with false advertising.  In their ads they show these beautifully huge, thick burgers that look big and meaty.  However, every time I've gone to a Culver's and got a burger, it comes out as this paper-thin, lifeless, burnt tasting piece of meat that they stick on a bun that is too big for the burger and slather it with condiments and lettuce and tomatoes just to help hide the taste.  It's just horrible.  I defy ANYBODY to show me a Culver's burger that comes off the grill at ANY Culver's restaurant that looks any thing like the above picture.

The bad thing about Culver's is that they're consistent.  I'd been hearing about Culver's from a number of people for years and I tried a couple in Wisconsin and I wasn't impressed.  I tried a couple when they came to Iowa and was even less impressed.  I tried one out in Nebraska to see if the beef patty would be better and it wasn't.  It was still this thin piece of beef with the life fried out of it, looking nothing like the pictures in their ads.

The hell of it is - Cindy loves the place.  I can't understand why, I thought I taught her better than that.  I just won't go back to Culver's.  She can go all she wants, but I have eaten my last meal from Culver's.

Hooter's

I used to really like Hooter's and I couldn't wait until they opened one up here in Davenport.  But after a while, the allure really went down hill for me.  Probably because I was married and the waitresses didn't appeal to me, but more so for the fact that the food at Hooter's sucks.

Oh, they make a good burger, and the wings are good, and the beer is cold.  But that's about it.  I can get a good burger and wings at a number of other places and not have to put up with the fakeness of the waitresses trying to pry more tip money out of you. 

The seats are uncomfortable, it's always loud in the place and it may be good for 25 year old guys, but I'm well past that. 

And I'm not talking about just the one in Davenport - I'm talking about ALL Hooter's.  They're the same where ever you go.  There are a lot better places to eat at in every town where there's a Hooter's.  Trust me.