Tailgaters

I'm not talking about the type of tailgaters who go to Iowa football games and party before and after the game.  I'm talking about an aggravating sector of the population that gets on your bumper - at any speed - and just hangs there.

And my scientific experiments have found that in about 95% of the cases of tailgaters, they are - horrors!  WOMEN!!

Women are the worst tailgaters on the road.  I have no idea what is in the head of some of these ladies who come up behind me on the interstate - I'm going 72 miles per hour, they're going faster - then they get up behind me about a car length and instead of passing me, they just sit there on my bumper for the next five miles!

Cindy was a horrible tailgater when I first started dating her.  I'd be riding with her and she'd be on the ass end of the car in front of her and I'd say, "Cindy, back off!  You're gonna smack this guy if he has to hit the brakes!"

So, a few days later, Cindy calls me up at home during her lunch hour.  She's in tears.  She said, "Oh, God!  I just ran into the back of a guy on my way home for lunch!  And you told me it was going to happen!" 

She doesn't tailgate any longer...

And women - here's another tip when you drive on the interstate - it's called a Cruise Control.  Learn how it works and use it.  I can not tell you all how many times I get passed by a woman, she pulls in the lane in front of me and immediately slows down.  I have to hit my brakes or go back out into the other lane and pass them.  The next thing I know, they're coming back up behind me, they pass and then settle into the lane ahead of me - AND SLOW DOWN!!!  And, once again, I have to pass them and it starts over again.

OR - I'm in the right hand lane going 72 mph.  A car comes up behind me going faster.  They pull into the left hand lane to pass - and then they just sit there going the same speed as me!  And, invariably, I get behind a semi or a slower car and I have to slow down and wait for the car on my left to get around me.  Just keep going the same frigging speed!   If you're going to be coming up behind me at 77 miles an hour, then pass me at 77 miles an hour. 

And it's nearly ALWAYS a woman, and hardly ever a man, who does this.  Cruise controls are the greatest invention for cars.  Nearly every car that comes out of auto makers these days has cruise control.  I think women should be asked every time they apply for a driver's license if they know how a use a cruise control.

Comments

[Tony Jobe]

I doubt it would help to ask women if they know how to use cruise control when they renew their license. My wife refuses - absolutely flat out refuses - to use cruise control. She's deathly afraid the car is going to careen out of control and crash into a tree. I've explained to her a thousand times all she has to do is tap the brake pedal and cruise shuts off, but she just won't listen.