I drive about 40,000 to 45,000 miles a year. With the exception of a two year period when I was the G.M. of an audio/video store in Davenport in the early 90's, I've been driving that much since 1986. So I see a lot on the road, learn what to look for, and have actually done scientific experiments to validate my theories.
Here is one of my main theories of driving - The worst drivers are the ones wearing hats.
The hat phenomenon came about when I was traveling with my friend, Matt Butler, in the late 80's and a guy pulled out in front of me when I was going about 40 mph down a main street in Des Moines. Matt said, "Oh, God. He's wearin' a hat."
I said, "What?"
He said, "People that do something stupid behind the wheel of a car are usually wearing a hat."
So I took his hypothesis and turned it into a theory based on some observations of some of the people who continued to drive down the road with a turn signal on, who would be driving 50 miles an hour in the left lane on the interstate, who would pull out into fast traffic and go about half the speed other drivers were going. In nearly all instances, the person who pulled those driving transgressions was wearing some sort of a hat.
I was driving on Interstate 80 once with my sister and I was coming up behind a semi with a small pick-up truck right behind it. As I pulled out to pass both of them, the pick-up truck decided to pull out and pass the semi. The only problem is that the semi was going 61 and the guy in the pick-up was going 62. And he wouldn't speed up. So I had to sit behind this guy for nearly three miles as he inched his way around the semi. (Thankfully, most states have laws that require you to get past another vehicle within a two mile stretch on an interstate.)
So, I was telling my sister that the guy was probably wearing a hat. We got up closer to him and she said, "No, I don't think he's wearing a hat." And it appeared that he wasn't.
He finally got past the semi and pulled back over into the right hand lane. As we were passing him, we looked over at him. He was wearing a Jewish yarmulke. I said, "Well, that's a type of a hat so my theory still holds water."
Other "hatted driver" transgressions, as observed while I was driving in Chicago recently. Sitting stopped when the traffic light is green. Coming over into my lane without looking to see if anyone is there. Trying to turn left where no left turn is allowed. Each time, the driver was wearing a hat.
So the next time another driver does something stupid, or impedes the flow of traffic, check him out - I'll bet he's wearing a hat.
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