Another Good Bye - To the Bravest Person I Ever Knew

This one is gonna be tough...

We lost my brother-in-law, Terry Rose, earlier this week. (Read his obituary here.)  Terry had been having health problems and was due for a kidney transplant just after Thanksgiving.  He was in the hospital with a couple of health issues that were being addressed and was scheduled to be going back home last Wednesday.  Instead, he suffered a fatal heart attack and passed away.  His heart doctor was on the scene when he had his heart attack and there wasn't anything they could do to save him.   

Terry is one of the very few people in my life who I can say I have never heard anyone say a bad thing about.  He was a caring person with a big heart who would do anything for anyone.  The outpouring of grief and condolences from a legion of friends and acquaintances over the past few days has been staggering.

Rosie, as he was affectionately known, was married to my younger sister, Julie.  But even before he married my sister, he was a large part of our extended family.  He was best friends with my older brother in high school and I often joked that I wondered what was in the back of his mind when he was 18 and my 11-year-old sister was running the house around being a nuisance.  I'll admit, it was a bit of a shock to the system when they got together when my sister turned 21 and Terry was 28.  But I had to realize she wasn't the little girl she once was.  (As an aside, there's a 7 year difference in age between me and my wife, as well.  I joke that when I was graduating from high school, my wife was just finishing 5th grade.  Yes, kind of creepy if you really think about it.  But I didn't know her until she was 19 and we married years after that.)

I think it really rankled my brother for years that Rosie married our younger sister.  And Terry knew exactly how to push my brother's button.  We'd be sitting having a beer at a bar somewhere and Terry would turn to me and say, "Hey, watch this."  Then he'd turn to my brother and say, "Hey, Pat!  I'm gonna go home and nail your sister!"  Only he didn't use the word "nail".  

Oh, my brother would get hot!  "You son of a bitch," my brother would yell at Terry.  "You keep your hands off my baby sister!"  Terry would just laugh and laugh about that.   

Quite simply, Terry was my brother before he was my brother-in-law.  He helped with our annual pasture party in the 70's and was so much of an integral part of it that I doubt we would have been able to pull it off without his help before and during the party.  He took care of all the electrical needs for the party and was the defacto stage manager during the event.  Terry was the foundation of the party, the voice of reason and assurance during chaos.      

Rosie began to have heart problems in his late 30's and ultimately underwent a heart transplant in March of 1994 at the famed Cleveland Clinic.  My dad, brother, and a good friend, Gary Yoder, all drove out to see Terry a week after he underwent the transplant.  My dad, who probably thought of Terry as more of a son than he did his own two sons, had tears of joy when he saw Terry laying in that bed, the old familiar "shit-eating grin" on his face, knowing that he had a new lease on life.  The next morning, my brother, Gary and I hijacked Terry and took him to a restaurant near the hospital and he ordered - and ate - a big plate of very greasy onion rings.  He was like a little kid at Christmas time. 

Just to show you what kind of a guy Terry was - just four months before his heart transplant, he ventured out to the Emerson Hough Chapter of the Izaak Walton League in Newton on a Sunday morning where he found a lady lying face down in the pond.  Without regard to his own medical condition or the chilly water temperatures, Terry jumped into the pond, pulled the woman out and began to administer CPR.  She eventually lived and the next summer at the Iowa State Fair he was awarded the Governors Lifesaving Award. That selfless act on his part personified what Terry was all about. 

Over the years, Terry had his ups and downs, healthwise.  He developed kidney problems, most likely from all the anti-rejection drugs he had to take, and was on dialysis off and on for about four or five years.  As many problems that he faced, not once did he ever complain about how much pain he was in.  When I would see him and ask how he was doing - fully knowing that he wasn't feeling well - his standard answer would be, "Oh, I'm doin' all right, I guess.  I don't know."    

Terry was an electrician by trade, but fancied himself as more of a somewhat gourmet cook.  He watched the Food Network religiously and was admired among his circle of family and friends for his barbecued ribs.  Quite actually, I never cared for his barbecue sauce which was more of a runny tomato/vinegar sauce.  But he was the guy who taught me how to inject the sauce into the ribs before cooking them.   

Over the past few days, I've heard from many people who were touched by Terry's life.  One friend told me that he never saw Terry argue with anyone. "If two guys were arguing, Terry would act more like a peacemaker or an impartial judge," my friend told me earlier this week.  "He saw both sides of the argument."   

His familiar, "Hey Baby!", greeting that Rosie had gone silent over the past couple of years.  Due to declining health and fatigue, Terry just wasn't his old self over the past few years.  But he kept chugging along.  As the funeral director told me last Thursday morning, Terry had been swimming upstream against the current for years.  It was truly remarkable the fortitude he showed and gratitude for life that he had.

Being that he was an organ recipient, Terry donated his eyes and his skin and we had his body cremated.  We're having a memorial service at the Izaak Walton League in Newton today, a place where Terry loved to be and served as president for a number of years.  Because he was so loved and well thought of in the community, I've already told my sister that we may run out of room for those looking to come out to pay their respects.  And that's only fitting for a guy who was simply the bravest person I've ever known. 

You were a good man, Terry Rose.       

Comments

[Buffy]

Will, This was so perfect. After reading it and having time to reflect as opposed to hearing it at the service, it was the best thing anyne could have written. Thank you. I was so happy to be Terry's sister. So many people came up to me and told me how proud they were of you and Graham for actually getting up at the service and stating everything that they all thought and respected about Terry. I'm proud ro be your sister. Thank you. I love you!

[Neil]

You seem to be writing way too many of these memorials of late Will. I’m so very sorry for all of your family that you had to write this one. I remember both Terry and Jeff Rose, and your brother Pat but I just barely remember Julie and Cindy. I do recall that the Veber women were considerably better looking than their men folk though. < Stated with a heartfelt smile for us all and our youth gone by. As I read the lines and those in between of what you have written here it would appear Terry and Julie had a great life together for the time that they were allowed. That is something fine, to be cherished and recalled with love and laughter even through the tears. My sincere condolences and deepest sympathy to you and yours at this loss. Neil J